They call me, MOM.

Amazing Grace

2010-03-23T10:28:00.005-05:00

I have been overwhelmed this week by the gospel and the work we are called to do. I have cried, and prayed, and fretted, and even felt defeat and depression. But it's ultimately a good thing, these feelings of frustration and sadness. It's made me realize so much about myself; who I was, who I am, and possibly who God plans for me to become. So in fashion of Romans 1:12, that we may be encouraged by each others faith, this is my conflict and hope shared with anyone who reads this. And also, that I find encouragement in any comments and prayers given to me.

I've realized that in recent past, I have preached, and glorified, and encouraged people to buy into things that aren't of God. Not that there's necessarily anything wrong with reading, listening to, or watching secular things. But where your treasure is, there your heart will be, so anything you treasure before God is a bad thing. And I treasured lots before God. Willingly. And not only that, I wanted others to join me in treasuring these things. So my warning to myself and others; be careful what you claim, what you quote, what doctrine you feed others. Be sure you glorify God more then things of this world. Check your heart, have others help keep you in check. Be sensitive to the Spirit of God and staunch in avoiding your stumbling blocks.

"It is the LORD your God you shall fear. Him you shall serve and by his name you shall swear. You shall not go after other gods, the gods of the peoples who are around you— for the LORD your God in your midst is a jealous God— lest the anger of the LORD your God be kindled against you, and he destroy you from off the face of the earth." -Deuteronomy 6:13-15"

It is a huge battle we face. To proclaim the truth, warn and teach. Being, ourselves as well as presenting others, mature in Christ. It is overwhelming, and completely out of our ability to do this on our own. But by the power and grace of God, we can stand the tests and scrutiny. Together, we can fight the good fight and spread the gospel to the world. We can teach and edify one another, so that we may be the salt and light of Christ.

"You are the salt of the earth. But if the salt loses its saltiness, how can it be made salty again? It is no longer good for anything, except to be thrown out and trampled by men. You are the light of the world. A city on a hill cannot be hidden. Neither do people light a lamp and put it under a bowl. Instead they put it on its stand, and it gives light to everyone in the house. In the same way, let your light shine before men, that they may see your good deeds and praise your Father in heaven." Matthew 5:13-16

I feel overwhelmed by the task placed before us. Especially knowing the world hates the gospel so much. I was recently pointed to Proverbs 27 for encouragement. In particular, I found Proverbs 27:11 to be a comfort. "Be wise, my son, and bring joy to my heart; then I can answer anyone who treats me with contempt." So I will continue to seek Godly wisdom and take delight in my heavenly father, and He will deal with His enemies. We do our part, He does his.

Praying encouragement, endurance, and peace in your lives.
"Therefore, since we have been justified by faith, we have peace with God through our Lord Jesus Christ." Romans 5:1

Alabama

2010-03-20T22:29:00.003-05:00

We went to Alabama for spring break. We had fun and froze our bums off. Very happy to have gotten to spend time with family that I haven't seen in 13 years. I'm hoping that much time will never pass again between visits.

Sipping coffee and seething.

2010-03-09T13:52:00.003-06:00

So God has been doing an amazing work in my life this year. I mean, when isn't He? But currently the transformation He is putting me through is awesome and I am more smitten with Him then I've ever been. I'm finally armed with knowledge of God's character and an understanding of my spiritual "weaponry" and am handling life with much more faith and peace then I thought was possible for me. Praise God!

So that brings me to my current state and the point of this post. It began last week when I just started feeling exhausted. Completely drained of all energy. Sapped. And fearful. It hit me late in the week that I hadn't been sleeping well the entire week. I was being woken, sometimes several time an hour, by noises, bad dreams, all kinds of little phobias that I thought I had overcome. And when I was asleep, it was very fitfully. So, okay, now I have knowledge and I can pray about this and God will conquer this, because after all, I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me. Getting over my phobias and getting back to sleep included! And there has been an improvement. And church on Sunday, while I didn't associate it then, really was just perfect for helping me even more with this. Now, this week's a little different then last. I'm not as fearful, but I'm more tired. I'm finding myself too distracted by the kids and exhausted by life to really spend quality time in the word and communing with God. This may be a typical occurrence, but I don't really feel it is, and I really pray it's not. I'm not one of those people who jump on the "spiritual attack" bandwagon for everything, but I'm starting to wonder if this is one? I've NEVER felt so alive in Christ then I do right now in my life. And suddenly, I'm so tired, I barely feel alive at all.

I don't want to let life get in the way, I don't want to pull back and become distracted again. I actually can't imagine not communing with God daily. So, if you read this, I would greatly appreciate some prayer and spiritual support. Thank ya kindly!

Another good book.

2010-02-14T12:30:00.000-06:00

"At times our approach to God becomes like preparing a resume for a job application- we carefully include all our accomplishments, anything that might present us in a good light and make us more acceptable. Gradually, before we know it, our Christian life consists of continually trying to update our spiritual resume to remind God and others of what we've done and not done. But in reality, the whole of our resume is either sin or filthy rags (Isaiah 64:6). So every time we approach God in prayer, worship, or any other spiritual discipline, we must see our resume only as he sees it- overlaid by Christ's perfect resume." The Bookends of the Christian Life.

Amen!

2010-01-26T08:19:00.000-06:00

"The power is all God's, as He sovereignly moves in this world by the Spirit. But the privilege is ours to be the voice that is heard, the hand that is felt, the prayer that is answered, and the witness that is used by God to bring eternal life. When sinners are saved through faith in Jesus we have the joy of knowing that it is God who has acted irresistibly in grace through us." - Richard D. Phillips, What's So Great About the Doctrines of Grace

Productivity.

2010-01-19T12:46:00.007-06:00

So far so good. Resolutions still in place. Life is still marching on.

I've had the opportunity to be creative and do some crafting. It's a good feeling to sit at my sewing machine and create things. I'm seriously considering trying to sell some of my crafts for some extra cash. Wonder if I'd be successful at it?

This is the new year!

2010-01-05T09:07:00.002-06:00

So far it's been good. Granted it's only 5 days in, but still I'm clinging to hope and believing it's going to remain good! We seem to have found our new church. I'm very excited. I've been lining up all the details for our trips next month and for spring break. Sticking to resolutions w/out a problem. And everyone just seems a bit better then they were at the end of last year. Looking forward to 2010 and all it has in store for us!

Goodbye 2009, hello 2010.

2009-12-31T14:32:00.002-06:00

So another year has come and gone. And this year is even more special, b/c it marks the passing of a whole decade. A very notable decade at that. Since 2000, we've gotten married, had 2 kids, moved to Waco and back, and bought our first car and our first house. Brian got saved, got his associates degree, landed a good job, and several promotions. Etc etc etc. We've had our fair share of heartbreaks, disappointments, and illnesses too. All in all, it's been a very full, busy, and blessed decade though. And 2009 was one of the fullest years of them all. This is the year that we added one of those kiddos to our family and bought the house that I mentioned already. It's the year we celebrated our first baby's 10th birthday. I tried my hand at going back to school. Got 2 new tattoos. I've watched Brian's art improve. Discovered some of my now favorite books. And so on.

I realize upon reflecting, that I've been a very negative nancy this past year. Heck, pretty sure it's been about half the decade, not just 2009. I'm looking forward to the new year, and the new decade. I'm praying that we will grow closer to God and to our family and friends. I'm hoping that in 2010, we actually stick to and follow through with our resolutions. (We don't usually make them b/c we rarely keep the promises we make to ourselves.) I'm praying that this year, I can stop my grumbling and complaining, and become amiable and optimistic. That I can cling to the hope that we find in Jesus and be grateful no matter what. I'm praying for a transformation in my life and the lives of my husband and children. I'm holding out hope that we can become the people we've always wanted to be and realize what's really important.

So here's to 2010! May God bless you and keep you!

Jesus is the reason for the season!

2009-12-25T01:19:00.001-06:00

MERRY CHRISTMAS!

A decade has passed...

2009-12-04T13:57:00.002-06:00

...since the birth of my first kiddo.

Happy Birthday Dyl Pickle. Love you kid!

Gobble Gobble

2009-11-26T01:39:00.002-06:00

Tomorrow (actually later today) is our first thanksgiving in our house and the first we've ever hosted. I've been so stressed about it that I haven't even reflected on why I wanted to do it in the first place or how much fun this could be. But now, late as it is and strung out on coffee, I've had time to think and I'm really excited for it. Sure, I'm still apprehensive and there are things that I'm not looking forward to. But if I just stop the worrying and stop focusing on the negatives, I realize that I have tons to be thankful for. That makes any and all "inconveniences" worth it. And as all 25 or so of our guests arrive, that will be proof of just how much I have to be thankful for!

Happy Thanksgiving!

And let the peace of Christ rule in your hearts, to which indeed you were called in one body. And be thankful. Let the word of Christ dwell in you richly, teaching and admonishing one another in all wisdom, singing psalms and hymns and spiritual songs, with thankfulness in your hearts to God. -Colossians 3:15-16

Man...

2009-10-31T13:50:00.003-05:00

Looking back over some of my old blog posts makes me feel embarrassed, disappointed, and even a little depressed. Sheesh.....

MMMM-MMMM... bread!.

2009-10-27T08:45:00.003-05:00

Cinnamon raisin bread is delicious. It is even more delicious when you hand make it yourself!

Birthday Boy!

2009-10-26T10:46:00.003-05:00

Happy 30th honey! I'm so blessed to have seen the tail end of your teens, all of your 20's, and now your 30's with you! I love you!

Brian and his illness

2009-10-05T13:53:00.003-05:00

OK. First off, thanks to all my family, friends, siblings in Christ, or whatever else it is you call yourself in relation to us, for all the prayers. They are greatly appreciated and we love you all the more for them!

Now onto updating everyone as quickly as possible.

Brian got home from the ER at about 2 this morning. Apparently there is a rare bacteria that tuna (and all firm fish for that matter) can carry. Seeing as how Brian eats a lot of tuna I guess he was at a higher risk for getting it, and he did. This bacteria is a type of histamine that makes you sick similar to the way food poisoning would. So when we took Brian to the doctor on Friday, she prescribed 3 medicines to help control all those symptoms. But since he didn't have the food poison problem she prescribed the meds for, they just made him worse. The ER monitored him for a long time and gave him a shot of benadryl last night and that helped him immensely. He's still not back to normal though, so continued prayers would be appreciated. He has a docs appointment at 2:45 today and hopefully we can get him back up and running soon.

Lift us up in prayers. Not only is it not cool to be sick, but it's disrupting many things. Brian's job especially and my school included in the long list. So please pray for speedy recovery and the ability to get back on track ASAP! THANK YOU ALL!!!

Things I don't want to forget

2009-09-15T10:00:00.000-05:00

Whether they annoy me, anger me, please me, make me laugh, or cry. I never want to forget certain things.

Like my kids.

How Alice changes her clothes a million times a day, even down to her undies.

How Dylan laughs hysterically when he farts, even when it makes people mad. He even does it in his class without a care of what people will think. (I love that he doesn't care what people think!)

Or how when Dylan's trying to be sweet his pronunciation softens and his words aren't as crisp.

The way Lincoln grins ear to ear without ceasing when my niece Savanna is around.

And how nothing compares to a bubble bath for Alice.

I don't want to forget how Alice sings when she's happy. Loudly repeating in sing song verse the thing that has pleased her!

Or how Dylan thinks because I like to read so much, I should be a good writer. Assuming that the practice of one, attributes to the ability of the other.

And the way Linky already has the bashful act down pat.

I don't even want to forget how Dylan is the epitome of mopeiness. He is my little Eeyore.

Or how Alice gets so sassy and puts her hands on her hips and yells at you when you tell her to do something she doesn't want to.

Or the way Dylan and Alice fight with one another. Proof that sibling rivalry has no age limit!

And my husband.

I don't want to forget the way that he pouts over his artistic ability. Refusing to acknowledge how good he is just because he isn't as good as the professional artists. Call it humbleness or sulkiness... I just don't want to forget it.

Or the way he picks on me to the point that he has me so mad at him that I just can't help but laugh. He is a relentless little sucker!

Or how he will do this goofy baby talk thing when I'm pouting just to get me to smile.

And many other things he probably wouldn't like me to put on here. :)

And my friends and other family members.

The way my best friend, Heather, has all kinds of crass pet names for me. It's hard to keep up with them all through the years. I hope I never forget them.

Or how my sister, Amber, is such a clever smart-ass. Most people never get to see how silly she is. It makes me happy that I do.

Or my brother in law, Stephen, how despite the fact that he sometimes keeps both feet in his mouth at all times, is one of the most caring, honest people I've ever known. I don't want to forget that I can always count on him for the truth.

My dad and the way he sings while playing his guitar when he thinks no one is listening.

My step-mom, Ann, and her brutal humor. She can be so funny and mean all at the same time. I love it!

Also, Ann's hugs. As time passes I seems to get less of them. But she has the best ones.

My Aunts, C and L, how goofy and whimsical their thoughts are. They think the craziest things and say even crazier.

My cousin, Tish, how she's always been a hair dresser. Sometimes I forget the days of pre-teendom and the feathered bangs and heavy make-up all so she could take our homemade glamor shots.

My girls. Rachel, and how she is so funny about people. I'm just glad I'm one of the "good ones" in her opinion. And Marissa, I never want to forget your future husband, a black, red-headed, Englishman. One day your prince will come. lol!

So much in life is taken for granted. Even the things that annoy us. The things we wish were different, about ourselves and others. I have so many memories, but not enough storage space. I hope I never forget the little things about the people I love. I hope I can think more often about these little things and let them shape me. It's always been about the small stuff for me. But so often the big stuff barges in and over-shadows all the small, that I start to forget these things that matter most. The little impressions people leave behind. What makes me love someone isn't so easily defined. It's built of a million tiny anecdotes, flaws, smiles, arguments, changes, discoveries, jokes, and so on. Defining why you love someone is as easy to do as explaining what makes up someones personality.

I'm realizing that all the things that make a person are not often appreciated equally. Somethings need to improve or change, like my kids attitudes, but instead of fighting them, maybe I should accept them as they are and enjoy the journey of changing, and encouraging one another to be better. And the qualities that I love, like my husbands silly youthfulness, is so often undervalued because of circumstances that I might be causing it to slip away a little bit everyday. I never want to forget the little things that help me define or remember so much about the ones I love. They, after all, help define me in a lot of ways. And if I can't remember what I value in them, is it any wonder that I struggle to keep a grip on me?

What a day....

2009-09-08T17:28:00.002-05:00

Today is not awesome. I do not like it.

My birthday girl!

2009-08-25T07:47:00.003-05:00

Today Alice turns 3. I can't believe it. She's becoming such a big girl w/ an even bigger attitude. I love my sassy little gal. Happy Birthday Alice!

Current train of thought...

2009-08-17T08:13:00.002-05:00

Things are changing. I'm changing. That's good. Must keep the momentum up. A modicum of change is always necessary in life. And right now is a potentially pivotal time in ours. If we can keep focused on what matters, keep sight of our goals, then things will be good. Reevaluating what truly matters in life is essential to keeping peace within. Time to slough off all these pointless worldly ideals and begin to show the changes....

College bound, part 2

2009-07-21T10:33:00.003-05:00

Almost have everything worked out. All I have left to do is go to the high school and pay them 2 bucks so they can mail my transcripts to the college(My college transcripts should be on their way, if not arrived already), and go back to the college to show them a mortgage statement confirming my residence. Then I'll be able to register for my classes and have it be a done deal! This week will hopefully be my last week of messing with this registration stuff. I swear, getting into school is far more a headache then actually attending. Maybe that's how they weed out the "unworthy". lol!

College bound...

2009-07-16T23:58:00.002-05:00

Passed the reading and writing portion and flunked the math. It's what I figured. I just have a kink I have to work out with registrar, get them my transcripts, and then register online for it to be a done deal. I don't even have to attend the borentation! Yay! Now to figure out what I'm gonna do with my kids whilst in my remedial math course since they won't let me take that via distance learning... ?

Crossing fingers and saying a prayer

2009-07-13T08:23:00.002-05:00

I am going to take the college placement test this morn. Not looking forward to it. I've been outta school for a very long time, the old thinkers pretty rusty. Sigh... say a little prayer for me please!

Trying for a change...

2009-07-07T08:59:00.002-05:00

I'm heading to San Jac today to find out what all I need to know/do/get/have to be able to enroll in the upcoming fall semester. Running outta time, hope I didn't put it off too long. I thought I had more time. Shame on me. Hope my consistent distracted state isn't going to affect my college career too badly! Prayer would be appreciated!

I am...

2009-06-25T07:52:00.001-05:00

officially 28 years old today!

New family member!

2009-06-23T21:23:00.004-05:00

Introducing Ms. Pippin Rosemary Cobblepotts IIII

Brian

2009-06-21T10:59:00.003-05:00

My husband is an amazing man. He sacrifices his time, his dreams, all of himself, for his family. I am so blessed and so loved beyond what I deserve. God gave me an amazing partner and daddy to our children. I am more grateful then any words could possibly express. Thank you honey for all that you are and all that you do! I love you!

Happy Father's Day!

Houston. We have a (rat) problem. Part deux.

2009-06-19T12:40:00.003-05:00

Looking at the bigger picture, I realize that this retarded "fear" I'm having is directly linked to the same fears I'm facing w/ reconnecting to God. I've been so worried that God's going to test me in someway, ie. harm befalling my family or other loved ones, that I've been avoiding Him. Which is beyond stupid b/c He could test me even when I'm doing the whole "ignore Him, and He'll go away" method. I can't shake this fear, so I'm just not paying attention to much of anything. Coasting, avoiding, engulfing myself in other things. But see when I ignore things they find some stupid way to come to the surface.

Galatians 6:7-8 say: "A man reaps what he sows. The one who sows to please his sinful nature, from that nature will reap destruction; the one who sows to please the Spirit, from the Spirit will reap eternal life." So I guess I realize I'm sowing things that please my sinful nature, so I'm waiting to reap my destruction. Even though it isn't technically wrong to kill rats that are funking up your house, I guess the yuck feeling I'm having from having to watch the death blow be dealt is causing me to analyze what I'm "sowing". Maybe. Maybe?

All I know is I want my house rodent free again and I want to start sowing something better.

The End.

Houston. We have a (rat.) problem.

2009-06-19T09:16:00.003-05:00

So we've been having some rat problems. This past Sunday we woke to the sounds of a glue trap whacking against the floor. 5 glue traps and a lead pipe later, we were cleaning up his ratty remains and bleaching the floor. This morning I walked into the kitchen to make coffee, only to discover another rat on a glue trap. Thankfully this time he was well stuck to the trap, but not enough so that he couldn't make it scooch around the floor. So we threw a towel over it, scooped him up and stuffed him in a plastic bag. Which we placed in the garage and lead piped him out of his misery and fright once again. Now he's on the curb w/ our other refuse waiting for the garbage man to whisk him away to what is becoming his family's burial site. No thanks to us.

So I'm logging these ratty adventure here on my blog b/c well why not. But also b/c I wonder if there won't be some karmic payback? Not that I'm trying to be all new agey, b/c I'm not. But honestly I'm starting to get all paranoid that I'm gonna wake up to some giant rat hovering over my bed in the middle of the night poised w/ a lead pipe waiting to see the terror in my eyes before the first blow lands. Call me paranoid or overly imaginative, but what goes around usually does come around. What does the bible say about pest control? How does God feel about us bludgeoning His creations to death? Is it murder? I just don't know.

Apparently I don't have it in me to be a murderous retch. But it has to be done. It's not sanitary for my children (or us adults) to be cohabitants w/ big brown mangy rats. We really are trying for humane deaths for these disgusting fur balls, swift and only a temporary pain. But I seriously am becoming plagued by this idea that we're still committing murder of God's creatures. What say you? Can anyone tell me the biblical response to this? Are we supposed to be some peace loving hippies and find a field far from here to place them in? Are we supposed to drown them instead? Are we supposed to just set food out and let them live joyfully and prosperously w/ us? What's a Christ loving family w/ a rat problem to do?

New family member

2009-06-18T00:08:00.003-05:00

I'm getting a dog for my birthday! I went and looked at a local shelter and found her looking all forlorn in the farthest cage in the kennel. When they brought her in to the visitation room she was shivering w/ fright. But after a little bit of love, she was very friendly and really interested in the kids. I'm so excited! She'll be ready next week for pick up. I wish she didn't have to wait so long to come home, but it's better then never!

I don't know what I'm doing...

2009-06-04T11:50:00.002-05:00

Sometimes I just don't understand how I got chosen to be a parent. Apparently God sees something in me that I'm not aware is there. This week has been an emotionally challenging week. With Dylan being raw and pointing out things about my parenting b/c of it. Being tired from the past couple of weeks and therefore short fused. Feeling overwhelmed by daily life. All of it makes me feel slightly like a failure. And I'm just not up to going to the one and only source of strength and help.

Why is that? Why do I not go to God when I know he could help me? Why do I ignore the convictions and calls? B/C I'm afraid of Him. I'm afraid of the constant failure in my walk with Him. I'm afraid of Him asking more of me then I think I have left in me. I'm afraid of the possible demands. I'm afraid of what He'll challenge me with. I'm afraid of it all. If the one place you should go to to find strength and peace is one place that seems the most terrifying option, what do you do? I know just picking up my bible more and talking to Him more would probably curtail these fears. So I'm going to attempt it. I'm going to commit to it. I'm afraid I'm going to fail. I'm so tired of failing Him. Of not committing to Him, or not knowing how to stay committed to Him. I'm nervous. But I guess the only option it to try to face it head on. To just go with it and trust in Him, even though I don't trust me. It's the best I can do.

recovering

2009-05-23T13:56:00.003-05:00

Brian had surgery yesterday and it went really well. Couple of moments in recovery that were kind of scary, but he's better now. We're back home and he's sleeping away, as he should be. Thank the Lord for a good surgery and pain meds. Now we're just praying for speedy healing!

Time for an update...

2009-05-18T10:22:00.002-05:00

It's been awhile.

We're doing good. Tired, busy, overwhelmed, but good. Lincoln's getting chubby. Alice calls him Chunky Monkey. It's cute. He's up to 10 lbs now. Dylan's almost out of school for the summer. Can't believe he's on his way to the 4th grade! They really do grow too fast. Crap, only 2 years until Al's in kindergarten!! Too fast indeed!

Kay, I need to go rescue Al from outside now....

Poor kiddos

2009-04-22T08:18:00.001-05:00

Now Lincoln is sick. Will it ever end!?!?!?

The challeneges of motherhood

2009-04-20T11:09:00.002-05:00

Alice is still sick and Lincoln is still a newborn. Thankfully Dylan is at school. I have so much that needs to be done and I am struggling to figure out how to accomplish it all. I knew being a mom to 3, and not just 3 but an infant and a toddler at the same time, would be challenging. I guess I thought I would have it figured out a little better by now. And yes I know it's only been 3 weeks, and I wasn't planning on a sick kid and all that jazz... but still. I at least thought keeping the house clean would be the one thing that stayed the same. But no, now that Lincoln has arrived it seems as if my house now vomits on itself perpetually. I can't even begin to keep it remotely clean. It's awful. I feel like I'm dropping the ball on everything... even mothering. Lincoln is about the only thing I seem to have time for anymore and that's only because he takes every second I have! Sigh... I hope I can figure this out soon... otherwise I might end up divorced and childless. lol!

2 weeks today.

2009-04-14T13:36:00.002-05:00

I took Lincoln to the pedi this morning. He's doing so well. He's gained another 10 oz and a half an inch. He's still just a super baby. I guess the third time really is a charm! Thank you Jesus!

Ain't He Cute

2009-04-07T11:55:00.002-05:00

One week today!

Lincoln Arthur: Part 2

2009-04-06T13:33:00.002-05:00

Lincoln is doing so great. His jaundice level is starting to drop. He sleeps well. He nurses even better. He's up to 7 lbs now. And the pediatrician is pleased with how well he's doing. We have a healthy baby boy! Thank you Jesus! We are beyond blessed!!

Lincoln Arthur

2009-04-03T23:47:00.003-05:00

He arrived on 3/31 at 2:19 PM, weighing 6 lbs 14 oz and measuring 19 1/2 in. He's such an easy, wonderful baby! Thank you Jesus for another blessing!

Today is the day... kinda.

2009-03-30T12:18:00.001-05:00

I'm going into the hospital at 2 PM today to be induced. Lincoln should be here bright and early tomorrow morn!

Update, but not really.

2009-03-28T23:44:00.002-05:00

Still no baby. This whole making myself go into labor thing isn't working. Blah.

Alice is still in the undies w/ only one accident had over at my parents house. I'm so stinking proud of her! I was really hoping she'd be just about out of diapers by the time Lincoln came! God is good, he even prevails in the little stuff like potty training!

Tooting the horn and baby update!

2009-03-26T20:10:00.003-05:00

Alice has been going potty all evening long in the toilet. She's been in panties for about 4 hours and has used the toilet every time she's needed to go. Whether I ask her or she brings it up herself, she has gone w/out an accident!

And Lincoln may be coming to us before April 2nd. I go back for another ultrasound on Monday to measure my fluids again, and if they're still as low as they were today, then I'm going to go ahead and be induced then. If they're back up, then I'll go in on Wednesday the 1st as scheduled. So either Monday or Wednesday I'll be put in to the hospital. I'm hoping maybe I can go into labor all by myself this weekend though.

Induction back on?

2009-03-25T23:00:00.001-05:00

So I may be induced tomorrow, pending test results. If not tomorrow, then I'm for sure scheduled for April 1st to go in and start the process. Hopefully he'll come on his own before then.

Praise God!

2009-03-19T10:51:00.002-05:00

What a relief! I went to the doc yesterday and everything looks good. My fluid level is back above a 10, so now there is no worry about induction unless he just refuses to come out by his latest due date. It's just the waiting game now. When will he come? Who knows, but hopefully it'll all be on his (and God's) timing! Yay! More time to prepare!!!

Baby oh baby!

2009-03-15T16:46:00.003-05:00

So I almost had to have Lincoln this weekend. I'm very relieved that I didn't have to be induced. BUT I'm not in the clear yet. I go in on Wednesday to see my doc and we will discuss it again then. Stupid decreasing amniotic fluid! I know my soonest due date is right around the corner, but still I'm just not ready. I have to go shopping this week to get the stuff we still need and finish up everything here in the house just in case. Of course they told me to be on bed rest, but I don't have time for bed rest!! What are they thinking!?! Putting me on bed rest and threatening me w/ inductions. They're crazy I tell you, CRAZY!

YAAAWN....

2009-03-09T16:14:00.002-05:00

I'm so sleepy. This pregnancy thing is kicking my butt. So close to the end and all I want to do is sleep. My energy is sapped. Wish I could have something like coffee to help perk me up. I've laid around and slept so much today, and all I really want to do is go back to sleep now. That's just not an option though. Hopefully having this baby soon will help w/ the exhausted feeling. But I doubt it since I'll be suffering from sleep deprivation then!

FINALLY!!

2009-03-03T12:18:00.003-06:00

The internet is connected, and the house is getting settled into. We've had some snags and it's still a work in progress, but it's all coming along. Thanks to all the helpers we've had come and pitch in. You're all appreciated more then you will ever know!!!

The joys of homeownership.

2009-02-03T13:11:00.002-06:00

I love my house! I just wish there weren't so many problems popping up now. But that is the way the cookie crumbles usually isn't it? Sigh... I'm just really glad that I love this house. Otherwise all this crap may not seem worth it. :)

Moving Day!

2009-01-30T00:14:00.002-06:00

Later today... since it is after midnight... we will be moving into our house. We have most of all the cleaning done, just want to touch up/re-do a few more things and finish a couple of necessary repairs, and then our stuff begins it's procession into our house! I am so stinking happy! It's been wonderful being over there all day long the past few days, just cleaning and hanging out. But I know it'll be even better once I finally have my couch there to sit on instead of the floor! :) Seriously... I'm just so relieved! I feel like I can breath easier now!

And to add to the goodness, my BFF is giving me her like new king sized mattress b/c she got a new one w/ a firmness she prefers! So that saves us that portion of tax return money, therefore allowing us to put it towards home repairs!

It's Official!!

2009-01-26T23:14:00.003-06:00

We are now homeowners!!! YAY! The long arduous journey is just about wrapped up! We signed our papers so late that they won't be returned to the title company till morning. But as soon as they receive them, we can use our shiny brass key to open our new front door and begin our cleaning, repairing, and moving process!! It's almost over, but the house is officially ours!!!

Thank you Jesus!!!!!!!!!

Is it morning already!?!

2009-01-26T09:22:00.006-06:00

So let me say I hate mornings.

But I'll follow that statement with the disclaimer... I actually miss mornings. Everything has changed so drastically, and that includes my mornings. Not only do I like peace and quite upon waking and that isn't an option in this house, but I can't even have coffee to help me. So I spend my whole damn day groggy and cranky... all b/c my mornings are shot. I'm sure once we get into our own home, it'll be easier to set a new routine. To carve out a new method for waking and begining a day in a more chipper mood. I mean I could start my day by attempting to have quite time with God instead. Which would be far wiser then anything else I could think up. Not that I couldn't do that here. But....

So let's recap. Mornings suck b/c of people, lack of coffee, too much noise, not enough sleep, pregnancy, etc etc. Anything else?

Can you tell I'm having a bad morning?

Gosh what a cup of coffee would do for me right now....

In the spirit of tantrum throwing...

2009-01-21T13:37:00.005-06:00

I WANT MY DAMN HOUSE NOW!!!!!!!!!

Answered prayers!

2009-01-13T16:25:00.000-06:00

We went to the high risk doc today and everything is great! The baby is looking healthy and growing right on schedule with my EDD. And I don't have placenta previa anymore. So NO C-SECTION for me!!!! YAY! Thank you Jesus!!

More house drama...

2009-01-08T13:59:00.001-06:00

So we STILL haven't closed... are you surprised? By now I shouldn't be either... sigh. Why can't we just get a house like everyone else? Why so many speed bumps and potholes?

Restlessness....

2009-01-05T09:26:00.003-06:00

So here we are, possibly in our last week in this over populated, maddening house... and I'm feeling every ounce of the loathing and bitterness that it has brought me. I so need out of here. I think it's worse b/c I have no new books to read, nothing to watch, and only chores to keep me company, and I'm just not digging it. I pray that we close this week. I need this to happen for my sanity's sake.

New year, New post!

2009-01-02T16:39:00.002-06:00

So it's 2009. Whoopie! This year thus far has been uneventful and in comparison to last years first few days, that's an amazingly good thing! I am just hoping that 09 is much better then 08 was. We need a good year. This last one could have been worse, true, but I tell you what it most definitely wasn't a good one either. I'm praying for good things in 2009!

Merry Christmas!

2008-12-25T11:42:00.002-06:00

Wishing everyone a very merry and blessed Christmas and New Year!

Crafty...

2008-12-23T14:35:00.004-06:00

So for Christmas I've been crafting. Here's what I've completed and photographed.

A new series!

2008-12-17T22:17:00.001-06:00

Well I've fallen again for another book series. Sookie Stackhouse is my new BFF! I need the other books now and sadly I can't go and get them b/c of the whole buying a house thing. But I REALLY REALLY want them!!

The festivities begin...

2008-12-14T20:28:00.007-06:00

Today we went to the in-laws house and did the family tree trimming tradition and got our new ornaments for the year. As always it was a pleasant afternoon. Here are some pics from the family fun.

I heart snow.... even if it does make my clothes wet.

2008-12-11T07:56:00.004-06:00

Before the night was over there was even more snow! I've never seen so much snow in this part of Texas before. It really was amazing. And I'm pleasantly surprised that I woke up to some snow still stuck to the cars and trees!

I love this weather!!

2008-12-10T20:32:00.007-06:00

I can't believe it's snowing in Houston! And it's a good snow! I really love this kind of weather. Even if we don't own warm enough clothes for it! The kids of course loved it. It's Alice's first snow and she had a blast trying to catch the flakes on her tongue. It was Lincoln's first snow too... even if it was in-utero! I'm sure he could hear all the excitement at least!

Thank you God for little blessings like snowy nights in our city!! :)

The holidays are upon us.

2008-12-10T08:23:00.002-06:00

This year we have decided to celebrate Christmas differently. Instead of spending a lot of money on buying gifts for everyone. We're going to be making gifts for family and friends... including our kids, and giving some of our saved cash to different organizations, like The Advent Conspiracy and World Vision. I would like to say that "it's the thought that counts" w/ this. But that's not the case. It's the heart that matters. And I can't fully say mine is in the right place.

Don't get me wrong... I'm all about skipping a consumer Christmas and putting the holiday focus where it belongs. But our lives recently have not been very exemplary of Christ. Now I can sit here and blame it on circumstances(which I do believe is a part of it) but all and all I think it's just a lack of commitment on our part. We're so wrapped up in life and emotions and crap, that we're too busy to go to the only place that could actually help us get through all of this life junk. So even though our hearts are good in the intentions department, their not cool in the complete whole hearted way. Which is the only one that counts, right? I mean, this is a crazy month in general. But this years is especially so for us, with the house closing nonsense and all. So taking all that into consideration, I kind of wonder if this non-consumer Christmas is more appealing b/c we don't have the money to do the "normal" holiday this year.... or if it is b/c I truly have God in mind? I'm thinking it's both.

I don't know what's up w/ me lately. I can assume things, but really I just think somethings off w/ my heart. It's so clogged right now that I just can't seem to see/feel/hear God very clearly. And I guess I don't know where to find spiritual "drain-o". And honestly, until we're on our own, I don't know if I care to find it. It kind of seems a moot point if you will. And maybe that's what's wrong w/ me. I'm not willing to try hard enough b/c of my frustration, stubbornness, and if I'm being honest, unforgivness.

Anyways, the whole point of this post originally was to say we've decided to do the holidays different this year and we're running outta time. I've got a lot to make, as does Brian, and we just have no time. I'm stressing it a little... but I'm more stressing it for Brian. He's got a lot more on his plate then I do. So here's to hoping that w/ the time we have left and God's help, we can get all this done. After all our hearts are partially in the right place.

I've been a mom for 9 years!

2008-12-04T10:53:00.002-06:00

Today is my boys 9th birthday! Where has the time gone!?!? I can't believe it. Just a couple more years and I'll have a pre-teen! Wow!!

Happy Birthday Pickle!!

The aftermath.

2008-12-01T08:45:00.002-06:00

Hope everyone had a lovely Turkey Day. We had a very busy holiday w/ far too many people in one place. But it was still nice to get to see everyone that we don't usually get to see. My favorite part of the whole thing though had to be the poop talk at church that night. I can always count on the Basili-gals to get me laughing!!

Happy Thanksgiving!

2008-11-26T10:39:00.002-06:00

So our festivities begin today. We have to attend Brian's families dinner tonight and we have my families tomorrow. And the only thing I think I'm looking forward to about the whole shabang is that we get Thanksgiving wrap-up game night at church tomorrow.

You know Thanksgiving is probably my least favorite and most awkward holiday. And this year it's sure to be even more enjoyable since I can't really eat anything. All I know is I'm going to the store to buy some sugar free pies and other goodies of the sugar free variety so I can actually have a sweet treat w/ everyone else!

So no matter how/what/why/if you celebrate tomorrow, have fun and eat a slice of pecan pie for me! Happy Turkey Day!!

I heart Sigur Ros

2008-11-24T23:12:00.001-06:00

Identity Crisis?

2008-11-19T10:37:00.003-06:00

So I can never have caffeine again. Which means my beloved coffee is no longer a part of my existence. I am very saddened by this and there a couple of reasons behind that. One is b/c well everything was always about coffee for me. My screen names, decorations, collectibles, etc all coffee related. Now none of it can apply to me and it's frustrating. Second is that I find it very odd and slightly embarrassing that this bothers me the way it does. So yeah, that's a brief summary of what my crisis is.

I'm really tired. I need a nap. If I had coffee, I probably wouldn't be sleepy right now. But then again my heart would also possibly be trying to kill me if I did. So a nap will just have to do.

An update.

2008-11-18T13:17:00.003-06:00

Where to start:

My heart is still stupid, but it's doing better. Seems to like the meds alright. I am hating the diet restrictions though. It wouldn't be so bad if I weren't pregnant. Damn cravings!

We went to Dallas for the Wizard World Comic-Con and met some cool people and saw some others. We met one of my favorite comic book writers/artists, Terry Moore and got him to sign a bunch of stuff. Met some old school wrestlers like Greg "The Hammer" Valentine and The Honky Tonk Man. We also met Phoenix and Steel from American Gladiators. When we met them, Dylan happened to be wearing his Wolf shirt(the guy from American Gladiators). Phoenix was so excited to see Dylan's shirt, she ended up taking a picture of Dylan on her cell and texting it to Wolf. I was pretty happy for him, he was intimidated by the two beautiful ladies. lol! Those 2 were some of the nicest people I've ever met. We also saw Lou Farrigno, Corey Feldman, the guy who played Michel Meyers, the bald guy from 30 Rock, and some other big comic book names as well. It was a really cool trip, exhausting, but fun!

Well Alice is bugging me to put on Care Bears, so I'm gonna go set her up.

Yay!

2008-11-07T08:09:00.003-06:00

So I'm on partial bed rest now. And I've been given permission to go to Dallas this weekend for Wizard World! I'm sure I'll tucker out quickly and Brian will have to take me back to the hotel. But that's ok. I don't mind and that will allow Brian to go and see all the stuff and sit in on all the conferences that he wants w/out feeling like he can't b/c of other people.

Literally broken hearted.

2008-10-31T11:32:00.002-05:00

So my heart sucks. I've got something called SVT and basically my heart is on strike from working properly. Docs are baffled. No reason behind the occurrence. Assuming it's pregnancy. And so since my heart rate doesn't know how to pump at a normal pace anymore, I'm on full bedrest. I'm hating it. Life will be boring for a while. No Wizard World next weekend. No Twilight movie. Already own tickets to both of those events. Wasted money my friends. I'm really bummed.

The new trailer!

2008-10-09T20:57:00.001-05:00

So obviously the movie is way different from the book. You can tell that just from the 2 minute trailer. BUT it's still Edward and Bella, so I'll take it!! Can't wait for November 21st!

More of the same.

2008-10-06T19:03:00.002-05:00

Still no release from the Twilight addiction. None what so ever. But as they say misery loves company and therefore I have been assisting in spreading the Twilight infection. Soon someone may need to start clinical trials studying this phenom I like to call the Twilight Blues. Suddenly, when the series is over, you literally feel as if a piece of you is missing. I know it's not as severe as when Edward left Bella in the woods, but I can imagine this is an echo of what that felt like.

Sigh. Is it so insane to react this way? Absolutely! But do I care? Not one ounce.

Twilight

2008-09-29T02:03:00.002-05:00

I re-read Twilight tonight. So good... just as good as the first time around. I'm not getting over this obsession very easily and it's getting on Brian's nerves. I'm sorry for that. But I try to make it up to him. I'm sure as soon as I get my hands on the others again, I will re-read them w/ the same tenacity and excitement! I can't wait.

I also went and bought Wuthering Heights to read, since Bella and Edward talk about it so often. Must see what the fuss is about! :)

Now I'm anticipating the movie... all though I am sure I'll be disappointed!! No one can be good enough to fill Edward's and Jacob's shoes. But we shall see!

Well...

2008-09-27T00:30:00.003-05:00

We survived Ike. Unscathed and everything practically back to normal.

On a different note. I read the entire Twilight series in a matter of days and am a very sad person now that it's gone. I am also a relieved person. Now maybe I can get some closure and get over this very bizarre obsession. It was like a drug... I am terribly, devastatingly hooked. And the drug has dried up. I wonder how bad my withdrawals will be? It's rather sad isn't it. I don't understand why certain books have such an amazing power over me. I think it might be slightly dangerous that anything in life apart from God and my family should affect me so. I wish I could figure it out. I wish I could get over this series and these characters. Suppose I should give it some time... I just finished the last book less then an hour ago. Time heals all... hahaha! Seriously, I know I'm pathetic! No need to tell me. :)

Ike's a comin....

2008-09-12T15:44:00.002-05:00

So here we are in good ol' SE Houston, just waiting for Ike's arrival. Ya know, I'm not all that worried. Or should I say I wasn't. But since it now seems all too real, I must admit my nerves are starting to get on edge. I don't think my nerves would be as bad as they are if it weren't for the fact that I'm pregnant. I feel really bad today. Short of breath, headache, nauseous, and my kidneys are hurting. My kidneys always act up in my pregnancy, and apparently they wait till a really inconvenient time to do it! Not that kidney issues are ever a convenient thing.... but there is always a better place and time then this. With Dylan I started having renal failure in the middle of us moving. With Alice I started passing kidney stones when we were in the mountains of Colorado on a youth trip. And now this! I'm PRAYING that they just hold out on really acting up for at least a week. And I pray Ike doesn't do enough damage to keep me away from seeking medical attention if needed!

Maybe we should have left? Maybe not. I know God is in control of it anyway we look at it and no matter what we decided. I've been at total peace up until a couple of hours ago when I really started feeling bad. I guess I need to just go get some quiet time and pray. He's still in control. He's even in control of my kidneys. I just need to trust Him and find that peace again.

Be praying that we fair well through Ike. Thanks!

This sucks!

2008-09-04T14:25:00.002-05:00

As the saying goes.... I am so sick and tired of being sick and tired!

Seriously I have never felt this bad during a pregnancy. And trust me I've been sick w/ the other 2. But this time, I just never feel good or rested. It's terrible. I'm having a very hard time functioning. I'm trying not to be a complainer, but I can't help it when I never feel good. Blah! I hope it passes soon!

I want to win one!!

2008-08-28T15:53:00.000-05:00

Win a Beco Butterfly Baby Carrier and Beco Toy Carrier from Along for the Ride.

Step one and two.

2008-08-27T08:36:00.002-05:00

We already signed the papers Monday and put up the option fee and half of the earnest money then as well. That was step one.

Now we're on to step two... the inspection!! We're praying today goes well and that this is truly the house God has for us. Which I'm pretty sure it is!

Thank you Jesus!!

God is so good....

2008-08-25T11:13:00.001-05:00

And it still just keeps coming!!

Exciting news...

2008-08-18T12:27:00.001-05:00

We're growing again!

In March 2009 we will officially be a family of 5! WOW!

I know who I want to be when I grow up...

2008-08-14T09:49:00.001-05:00

Hahaha! I love her. :)

Almost as if God replied to my last blog post.

2008-08-11T16:23:00.003-05:00

He remains faithful even when I don't!

Shame on me for being so self-centered that I can't even attempt to see a bigger picture.

OK... now what?

2008-08-06T11:00:00.002-05:00

So life changes happen, that's cool. Things are not in my control, I'm trying to be cool with that. I am essentially very lost, that is definitely not cool. And right now with the way all seemingly good things play out, I'm scared for any good things that are in my life right now. Like it might not pan out and I'll just be left with one more upset. I don't know if I can handle another upset. And then I wonder what if that is indeed what God wants? I know that He will bring us to complete brokenness to get us totally all to Himself. And I know I suck right now and I probably am not as committed to Him as I should be. And I'm not even going to pretend I'm trying. Sometimes I just feel like I have no clue how to be His daughter and a good servant.

I do believe in His grace and mercy. I don't believe He sits up there debating how to punish me next b/c I just can't get it right. But there has to be something I'm missing, something that He wants me to learn or do or something before we can move on from here and this cycle. This is not entirely about our living situation... partially... but not fully. It's about more then that. Things I am truly blessed by, things not so much a blessing, but a good learning experience all the same. I am having things revealed to me and things continually hidden from me. I am finding joy and sadness all at the same time. I feel like I live in a ball of confusion and I know confusion isn't at all from God, so where is the clarity of Christ? What next? Where next?

I don't want to be afraid of Him and I don't want to be angry in life. I don't know if it's possible for me to be broken without being bitter. I don't know if it's possible for me to "let go and let God". I thought I had been doing that, but I realize I haven't. I keep thinking about what I haven't done, or what I should have done, or what I can do right now. I keep trying to figure out what it is that I screwed up or what I should fix. So ultimately I'm still making it about me and what I can do, and not about what God is doing or will do. I guess I'm not fully trusting Him. And yet I'm scared that if I just let it all go to Him then something is going to happen that I don't want. It can get worse then I've felt it's been, I mean it really hasn't been that bad. It's just not ideal. So now that I can see a bit of a promise that I had forgotten God had given me, I worry that that promise is going to be taken from me. Or that it's all false hope or something and I am going to be in a far worse place then I am. I am trying to be joyful. But I just don't know that can take much more.

Please please pray for me. Pray for us. We need it more then you know.

What are you gonna do about it?

2008-07-28T11:01:00.002-05:00

I often find myself assessing how much I disappoint myself or contemplating who I would be if I never let things get where they've gone or imagine what I could do if I did as Nike suggested and "Just Do It". I can not fathom what it is about me that can not get off my tush and do the things I truly want to do. To pursue the things that I want to be.

I am a very hard headed person. I CAN be very driven and when it comes down to it I don't give up easily. Example. When we were in Colorado and we decided to check out what Dinosaur Ridge was. It turned out just being a steep hike up a small mountain/cliff/ridge. Whatever you want to call it, it was up hill and pretty physically demanding. I am not in the least bit of shape (other then round) and I am also not a fan of heights. So it was very taxing on me. And yet I would pause and think we need to go back down now, but with my own brain and my own Brian I was determined to go as high as it went. And I did it. And it was beautiful. And totally worth the effort!

I want to apply that to everyday. I want to be someone who is definable and stands for something. I want to be more then a stick in the mud or a sloth or just one of those folks who blows through life day in and day out with out accomplishing much if anything at all. Sure I do things... sure... but what? What do I do ? Really? I know over-achievers, I know worker-bee's and A types. I know crunchy types and professional types. I know left wings and right wings. And you know what, I don't think I can be classified. And I want to be classified. :/

We say that labeling people is bad and maybe it is at times. I mean we don't want anyone else labeling us, and yet it happens anyways. And we label ourselves. So why not make yourself have a label you want? I mean sure you could call me a mom or a Christian, but when it comes down to it, I'm not even that good at those things. I don't try hard enough, and those are things that just happen and labels that just come with the territory. But I want to be defined as someone who cares and works hard and keeps it together, but is simple and laid back and at peace with life. Someone who can do anything and will try anything. Someone who isn't lazy and yet can know how to relax.

I am feel like I'm always trying to realize something or figure myself out or motivate myself. Apparently I am the ever thinking, but never doing girl. I can talk a really good talk but I fail miserably at the walking the walk part....

Speaking of walking, I think Alice and I are going to go on one now. I need to get out of here for a bit.

I so heart Colorado!!!

2008-07-19T23:47:00.004-05:00

I left a little bit of my heart back in Colorado. It was truly an amazing trip. God and all his majesty and grace and love is so evident in a place like that. It is so beautiful it's breath taking!! I'm happy to be home, but I'm ready to go visit again! Even flying had me in awe! This trip was so needed. Thank you Jesus!!

I'm leavin' on a jet plane...

2008-07-16T10:21:00.002-05:00

We are flying out tomorrow to go visit the beautiful Mile High City, aka Denver, Co. I am so excited. I have never flown and I've only been to Denver once and it was only for a brief stay at their hospital which was not exciting. I can't wait to have a nice get away with my wonderful hubby sans kiddos! It's a first to get out w/out the kids and a first for me to fly. Can't wait!!

Clarification.

2008-07-13T22:46:00.002-05:00

In case my last post seemed to be negative or mopey or me complaining. I must clarify and say it was not. It was musing and questioning. I am not unhappy. I am confused. I really wish someone could help me figure it out. Pray with me about this stuff. Ya know, just a little advisement would be good. I know this thing gets read and I just figure one of these days God might use one of you folk to spill a little of His sage wisdom with me. Maybe not?

Don't know if you cared to know that at all, but now ya do!

Playing the hand your dealt.

2008-07-10T00:13:00.003-05:00

I just got home from work and I'm coming off of a very good coffee high, which is bad. I'm thinking about our current situation and I know it's not bad in the grand scheme of things. I am really thankful that God is in control, and I know that there is definitely a reason that no houses come through for us and I praise Him for it. I am sure I would be very unhappy with what ever it is He is keeping us from.

But with that being said, I just want to know what is going on. I mean, I don't think I deserve an explanation or answers from God. I am not expecting them, but I won't lie, I would like them. I know in due time we will have them, I must be patient for now. But seeing as how we have no answers now, we have decided to sit out the house hunt just for a bit. There isn't anything on the market right now that fits what we need/want thats in our budget that we haven't already bid on anyways. So wait it out we will, while focusing on Jesus and the improvement of our finances.

And while I fully agree that is the best, most solid plan for us right now; I guess that's what's got me so weirded out. How long are we going to be waiting this out? When will be the right time to resume the house hunt? I mean there is no way we can fix out finances in just a month or two. How long are we going to continue to live here? I know they don't mind, but they are trying to make room for new additions to the residence. How long before we know the next step? We really thought that we would have gotten a home by now, but obviously we have not. We thought our path would have been made a bit clearer, but obviously it has not. We thought we knew what we were doing, but obviously we do not. There are kinks to our plan..... we will have to work them out as we go I suppose. But it's the only thing we've got.

I just can't help but wonder, everything we've thought was a go so far has been wrong. So how do we know this plans the right one? I feel like I'm playing Go Fish, but I'm the only person in the game that doesn't have any matches, and for the life of me I can't find any. It just doesn't make sense. What is God waiting on? I know maybe I shouldn't be so worried about it. I should just trust Him and go along for the ride, but I just really want to know if there is something we are supposed to be doing or not doing that we still haven't figured out yet.... ? Maybe He wants us to move to Istanbul? Doubtful, but I'm also starting to doubt He wants us here. Maybe I'm wrong, most likely I am. I usually always am.

Changing your perspective.

2008-07-06T23:23:00.004-05:00

I love how if you just look at something a little differently, it can change everything. I like to think that people and things are the same, they just look different. Depending on how you tilt your head (or your heart) depends on what you see or how you perceive it.

I'm starting to understand that I haven't been looking at things the right way lately. But I've had a chance to recharge my battery (Praise be to God) and I've realized that my perspective has just been skewed. The circumstances have not at all changed, they just looks different. Thank you Jesus for showing me how to really use my eyes. I'm still not all that good with them, and I'm sure I'll fail at times, but it's a change I've been needing. I just pray I don't forget my new sight as easily as I've forgotten other blessings from You in the past. It's time to move forward with a different vantage point and just trust You. I know that You do know what's best for me, even though at times I act as if I don't really believe that. But I do... I trust You and know that You're still looking out for me and my family and are giving us more gifts then we deserve. I'm just pretty much ungrateful most of the time. But You're helping me get better. So bring on the future... even if it does look a lot like today. I'll take it with a glad heart.

And on that note, I leave off with the great words of Doris Day...
Que sera sera, whatever may be, may be. The futures not ours to see, que sera sera.

Trying to have joy with a sad heart.

2008-07-02T08:27:00.005-05:00

I am baffled. Yet again we bid... and NOTHING! We even bid $10,000 more then they asked! I am still trusting God. He really does have it in control and I just can not imagine what He has in store for us. I mean it must be great or maybe just completely not at all what we are expecting. ???

We really feel like we are supposed to get a house, we've prayed about it and we just really both feel like getting a house is our only option. And trust me we have been willing to go back to an apartment, but we just don't feel like we are supposed to. Hard to explain why really, we just know we aren't. Of course we're getting pretty desperate. So you never know, we might. Blah.

Right now we both just feel like we don't know what to do now. I guess we just keep plugging away and wait for some clear sign from God on whats to happen next? I'm trying to be patient. Sigh....

Another year older.

2008-06-26T11:18:00.002-05:00

I am now 27 years and 1 day old. I had a very nice birthday and am very blessed to have all these people in my life. I'm that much closer to 30 now and that's actually exciting. I've never been 30 before, I want to know what that's like! :)

Le Sigh... part deux

2008-06-24T16:38:00.003-05:00

Well we've found another house. It's small. Real small. On a big beautiful lot though. We haven't bid yet. Not sure what to do about it. Not sure that there's much to deliberate though. I mean chances are, if we do bid on it, we won't get it. Seems to be the cycle of things for us.

God, I'm trying to be patient. I just wish I knew what you were doing. I can't take this much longer.

Le Sigh....

2008-06-10T09:46:00.004-05:00

And it has happened yet again. I am trying to be positive. I am still praising Him regardless. I am still trusting Him. But it has got me wondering if we are indeed supposed to have a house? I mean how many times over the past 3 years must we bid and be told no? How many times over the past 3 months that we have bid on just about every house we have remotely liked and been turned down? I suppose this is how it is for some people? A series of let downs. And I know that God has the right house for us.... or does He? Are we supposed to have one? I just don't know. Maybe all God is waiting on is Brian to get another raise? Maybe? Most likely not. I am just struggling to fathom this reason why WE can not get a house. I don't understand.

Zipadeedodah...

2008-06-04T11:22:00.002-05:00

So Dylan has one day left of 2nd grade and then a couple of months before he's a big 3rd grader. I can't believe it!

This summer is going to be an odd one. Once again we find ourselves looking for a home for the 3rd summer in a row. But this time its seem so serious. Like the next move will be detrimental to our future well-being. Or should I say Dylan's. Maybe it's just b/c he's made some great friends this year and I don't want him to have to leave those friends? Or maybe it's b/c I've settled into the idea that this the best place in the area to raise a kid and send them to school? Maybe it's b/c I'm just too comfortable where I'm at? Maybe it's b/c this is the only way that I see it being copacetic to our family? Anyway you look at it, I feel very unsettled. I just really want to be able to have a home so Dylan can have friends over. I want to be able to walk to school and get him in the afternoons. I want have a settled life that isn't always changing. I want a pattern to life that isn't a pattern of uncertainty. I'm just wanting something different then what we have now. And not that this is just the most terrible thing that could happen to us. I mean after all Brian and I are the last ones left (not counting my parents of course b/c this is their house) so there are less people and more room. But it's not ours. We can't make plans to have people over, or to redecorate, or to do nothing but loaf around all day as family. It's been a year of living with people and not being a "real" family. Enough is enough! When do we get to be us again!?!?

On a positive note.... I love Dylan's friends!

Despite everything going on...

2008-05-29T11:02:00.002-05:00

... I am a happily married women that is blessed beyond measure!

Happy 8th Anniversary to us!! I love you husband!!

Weird week...

2008-05-28T16:01:00.004-05:00

This week has had many highs and lows thus far. It is a peculiar one, that's for sure, and it's only the middle of the week. The good has been a family bar-b-q, going to see Indiana Jones, we put a bid in on a house we really like, and our anniversary is tomorrow. The less then stellar things being that I got sick, Alice isn't really feeling well either, they countered our bid and it's a crappy counter, and the man who married Brian and I 8 years ago was buried today. He was a huge part of the beginning of mine and Brian's life. He was someone that Brian could talk to when he first became a Christian, he counseled w/ us, and led bible studies w/ us, and dedicated our son. He was an awesome Godly man and it saddens me to know he is gone. He left behind his wife, 3 kids, and his oldest daughter is pregnant, so a grand-baby as well. Thankfully Brian and I had several opportunities to speak w/ him recently. We ran into him a lot these past few months and maybe that was God letting us see him and speak w/ him and tell him goodbye..... ?? All I know is that this is only Wednesday, so I'm really curious as to what the rest of the week will bring.

Maybe you could pray for us.

Houston, we have a whiner!

2008-05-22T09:17:00.003-05:00

So Alice is a whiner. Which is one thing that I absolutely abhor. I think she learns to whine a little bit more every day. I am assuming this is b/c she is a girl. I am also assuming it is b/c she is needy. And I am also assuming it is b/c I feel completely lost as to how to make a 21 month old stop whining and throwing fits. I ignore her, it doesn't help. I get on to her, it doesn't help. Heck sometimes I just give her what she wants, and even that doesn't help. I really think she likes the sound of her own screaming voice more then the results or lack there of. It's driving me batty though. I've found myself laughing that maniacal laughter of a mad women when she starts up. Brian refuses to see it as funny. But I'm not laughing at it, I'm laughing b/c of the hysteria it is causing me.

However I have come to realize that God is definitely using Alice to teach me loads. Like patience and peace. She is by far a million times more the hand full then Dylan was by her age. He was a little turd and a ball of energy, but by no means was he like Alice. The one thing we had to worry most about w/ him was his amazingly developed vocabulary that already started being sassy, and the fact that he ran everywhere therefore he ran into things a lot too. (He still does that by the way... the running into things, not the running) But Alice, boy o boy. She is perpetual motion that is constantly into something or causing some kind of havoc. People say it's curiosity, and I want to believe that. She is after all very curious. But I think it's just b/c she's a sinner. lol! I mean she even does it in her sleep!!

Speaking of a whining Alice, she is at it again... so I need to go deal w/ that before she kills herself or the carseat! Which ever happens first.

2nd Grade Field Day

2008-05-16T15:39:00.009-05:00

Today was Dylan's field day at school. I am so glad I went. I really didn't want to go. While I enjoy his classmates, I am less then the typical soccer mom and scarcely ever receive a warm welcome from other parents.... which is very frustrating. (Thankfully though I am very popular amongst the kids. lol!) Anyways, Alice and I went and only planned on staying about an hour at max and ended up staying for almost 3. Alice was very well loved and had lots of little kids to play with. Which also meant that Dylan had a ton of little "crushes" following him around. Alice's favorite was a little girl named Reagan. Anyways, it really was a crazy day with all the children flocking to me like flies on poop, but it was such a blessing too seeing Dylan be a little boy with his little friends and to see how much he and his sister love one another. And to top it all off, I found out that Dylan had taken him math and reading 3rd grade benchmarks to see where he will be at in the 3rd grade, and he passed both! With an A in math and a B in reading. So not only is he ready for 3rd grade but he is already at a high 3rd grade level! I'm so proud of that kid!!

Diets are for losers...

2008-05-15T13:41:00.002-05:00

So I'm trying to eat healthier and exercise more. It is essential to my own health that I get in gear and lose this weight. I really want to make it work this time. And it really shouldn't be that hard and yet it is when you are having to grocery shop for so many people and healthy foods are expensive. I have decided though to just count my calories and stay w/in a certain range that was suggested to me on my sparkpeople page. And I've done pretty well as far as staying w/in my calories goes. I could do better. I could consume the same amount of calories on more foods that are better choices, but instead it's spent on a small bowl of coco pebbles and bologna sandwich b/c that's all we've got. But I can't complain after all, at least we have food. It's just w/ those food choices I think it's going to make things a bit tougher to achieve... or at least take a bit longer. So I suppose I could possibly counterbalance it w/more exercise. I imagine that might work?

For the first time in my heavy life I actually want to be a big loser and do what it takes to become one. Somehow I have to just make sure I don't forget that it is indeed what I want...

[ey-mee-uh-buhl]

2008-05-09T09:30:00.003-05:00

So I've been blog hopping. And I found a quote on another blog that I found the link to on Jessica's blog.

"The greatest gift of God is a pious amiable spouse who fears God and love his house, and with whom one can live in perfect confidence." - Martin Luther

I thought this an amazing quote. And especially poignant since I have very recently started taking a peek at what it is that makes me a good wife... if I am one at all. But the word amiable struck a cord with me. I know what it means, but I went and looked it up on dictionary.com just to see the literal definition.

a·mi·a·ble -

1.	having or showing pleasant, good-natured personal qualities; affable: an amiable disposition.

2.	friendly; sociable: an amiable greeting; an amiable gathering.

3.	agreeable; willing to accept the wishes, decisions, or suggestions of another or others.

4.	Obsolete. lovable or lovely.

Even though I knew what it meant, reading it this way really affected me. It made me realize that of all the character qualities that I want or hope I have, this has got to be the one I want most. I want to hit the nail on the head perfectly. I want to be able to be described in one word, and this one be it! I want to be this to everyone I know and don't know, but especially to my husband. After all when it comes to our spouses, they are the soft place where we go when things aren't right, and that isn't always a good thing. Sometimes we take the bad things out on them when they have nothing to do with it. And Lord help us if they are the ones who have wronged us. The quote about "Hell hath no fury like a women scorned" resonates in my mind. I want nothing to do with that quote, and yet I admit, I am more like that then the Luther quote.

Wives take stock of how you treat your husbands. Are you what Luther describes? Are you like the Proverbs 31 wife? Or do you find yourselves complaining more often then not, even if it isn't directly about him? Or even turning him away for other tasks, plans, or something else that's self-serving? Despite jobs, kids, and plans; do you still make time for your spouse? Do you pray for him? Do you pray with him? Can you honestly say you never put yourself before him?

I'm not like any of the good things I listed. But I am a lot like the bad things. The only thing I do often is pray for my husband... and I can't say that the prayers aren't usually selfish ones. I have viewed myself as a good wife despite that. B/C I sacrifice things, and I put up with a lot, and I don't ask for a lot, and I'm nice to him for the most part. But I look at the scriptures and the things we are supposed to be once we are truly Christians, and I am least like those things in my marriage. Most of the time the kids even comer before my husband. Heck sometimes even my parents come first when it comes to how I think and choices that I make. I can let the past determine how I treat my husband. I can let it create in me a cold heart towards him. I can let the influences in all my yesterdays affect who I am to him today. I know it's hard to not let the past affect who you are in the future. But why do we let it have so much power? After all, we are new creations in Christ. The old has gone, and the new has come. So why are we ruining our futures based off the past we want nothing to do with anymore?

I'm not quite sure who I am supposed to be in God, or what he has in store for me. But what I do know is that he has blessed me beyond what I deserve with my husband and children. He has called me to be a wife and mother... in that order. I may not know what the future holds, but I do know what my right now holds. I am tired of failing at this. If I can not do this well, then I will never do anything else well. And don't get me wrong. I do not think I am terrible. I think I am a good wife and a decent mom. But I'm not good enough. To the world view, I am a really great wife, but to the God view I am failing. To the world view I am probably an awful mom... but screw the world view. Parenting is something the world view has never gotten right. But the Godly view of parenting... I'm way off. I'm not a good mom b/c I've failed to disciple my son like I am called to do. Nothing in this worldly life measures up anything. No judgment in this life matters. I don't care what anyone thinks about me, the only thing that matters is that I become a Proverbs 31 wife. A pious amiable person. A Godly mother who raises her children up in the way they should go.

I like taking stock of my life and the role I play in it. It hurts and it's a lot of work... but man if I can just bring a tiny bit of glory to my God and an ounce of joy to my family, then it is the best painful assessment I will willingly choose over and over again. After all if you're not growing, you're dying.